Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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