I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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