are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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