you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
