every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
