hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
