I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
