You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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