my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
