I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
