dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
