Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
