Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
