margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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