party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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