How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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