you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
