And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
