He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
birth control should be required to get into college
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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