So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
