Porn is love you can see.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
