oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
