I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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