I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
