Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
