There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
