This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
