Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
