how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
