Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
