Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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