I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
