I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my shit smells like andre
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
