This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
