theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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