Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
