Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
