A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
