They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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