lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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