When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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