what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
