Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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