i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think I sprained my soul last night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
