Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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