It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
