what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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