Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
