Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
