i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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