I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hello my rib-scented angel!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
