party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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