how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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