She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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