Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
