Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
