1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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